KFC is Trying to Kill Me October 3, 2008

You’d think after the great Thigh and Leg Debacle of Tuesday night, I’d have had enough KFC to hold me over for at least a few months.  At least a week or so.  But the instant I had a few free moments around lunchtime yesterday before going to a retiree’s house for work, I stop at a KFC.  Having had that experience on Tuesday, I decide to go in as the drive thru is just too confusing.

I get my meal fine and other than the fact that they’re stingy on the extra napkins and I accidentally spilled pop on mine, I’m doing alright.  I kind of scarf down the meal as I have time–but not that much.

Due to the napkin situation, I had to use the bathroom to wash my hands before I left.  I got them clean enough to walk to the bathroom, but not clean enough to go to someone’s house.  So I go into the one-person restroom and wash my hands.  Of course, they didn’t have paper towel and only one of those crappy hand dryers, but that’s another story.

I turn around to leave and the next thing I know I’m on the floor, face down, in the KFC bathroom.  On the way down I remember hearing a “CLANG” and I notice I’ve also run into a metal trash can.

In a mass of furry I pick myself up and look back to where I thought I last stepped.  No water.  No misplaced tile.  No piece of toilet paper or anything to slip on.  Just me and the floor.  There was a slight slope of the floor leading to the floor drain, but nothing to cause such a fall.

Now, I’ve fallen a lot in my day.  I’m a bull in a china shop for sure.  But this was definitely the most violent fall I have ever had.  It felt as if someone lifted my legs right out from underneath me and pushed me forward.  And because there was a wall right there, I’m pretty sure I hit my head on it as well.

Even though I’m an attorney, and I know better, I leave without saying a thing.  For some reason I’m shamed that someone might have heard my fall (and to be honest, with the trash can I’m not sure they could have missed it) and I just don’t want to deal with it.  Plus I had to get to the retiree’s house.  On the way over, I take a few alleve, already feeling the throbbing pain in my head and neck.

The rest of the afternoon was fairly blurry.  The sad part is that I was driving and I probably shouldn’t have been.  I don’t know if I really did do something when I hit my head or the alleve did it (though it’s never done it before), but I was woozy.  I made sure to go to the chiropractor and ice my back last night to prevent a total disaster today.

I am sore as hell though.  Weird places of me are weak and imobile.  That feeling in your abs you get the day after doing a lot of crunches–that’s what my whole body feels like.  Plus I have some throbbing in my head still.

I have only one explanation for all of this:  the Ghost of the Colonel read my post the other day and decided to pay me back.

Well, guess what Colonel?  You’ll have to try a little harder to Kill this Fat Chick.