A Perfectly Cursed Life

Because Blessings Are Overrated

It’s Wanting More That’s Gonna Send Me To My Knees July 17, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — Kimwithak @ 2:32 am
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We made an offer on that cute little house tonight.  That cute as a button “pottery barn ranch”.

Why can’t I be as excited as I was last night?  This always happens to me with things of this nature.  I get really excited for awhile and then I realize that it’s not instant gratification and so I kind of falter.  I feel like I have to pace my excitement for some sort of Happiness-Marathon.  I can’t blow my wad (so to speak) right now.  It’s just an offer.

I’m like this with so many things.  I want to make the offer and immediately move into the house.  I wanted to start law school and immediately be sworn into the bar.  I wanted to have a first date and immediately be in a committed relationship.  My faults are many, but this is surely one of the bigger ones.  I just can’t be happy enough.

I’m learning that I’m doing that with things at work.  I get excited about a case but unless we’re going to argue a motion the next day, I soon lose interest.  At the same time, the more rational side of me is trying to unlearn this behavior.  It’s no good for me and I’m certain it’s no fun for the people around me.  I am pretty sure that I detected our agent’s sense of my immediate turn from cautiously-excited to reservedly-cautious after we signed the last piece of paper.  Somewhere between the first and the last page, the novelty of it wore off.  Why?  Because we have to wait.

Waiting is going to be one of those big lessons of my life.

For background’s sake, I believe we are all born with certain issues and raised with certain others and our goal in life is to overcome or master those issues.  In no particular order, here are a list of mine:

1.  I can’t allow myself to be content. (See here.)

2.  I don’t like waiting for things to get interesting.

3.  I have class issues.

4.  I often let my mood dictate the outcome of things. (Sort of an anti-“The Secret” principle.)

5.  I have to have a plan at all turns.

6.  I get bored easily.

7.  I don’t always like to follow through.

8.  I need too much reassurance of my place in people’s lives.

9.  I’m constantly on the lookout for the next Big Bad Thing.

10.  I allow my anxiety to get the best of me.

There. Now it’s out and on the table.  I could deal with it tonight, but I’m not ready to come to terms with #7 yet and dealing with this would settle my score with #7.  Why spoil the fun of a lifetime of procrastination with a night of self-realization?  I’m a handful of clay to be molded.  Why start working on it tonight and spoil the fun of tomorrow?


2 Responses to “It’s Wanting More That’s Gonna Send Me To My Knees”

  1. Jessica Says:

    “A man can stand anything except a succession of ordinary days.”

    – Goethe

  2. We are a great deal alike. I went through most of my life wondering why I can’t just be happy. At 54, I finally discovered the secrets to being happy. There rules are simple, but not necessarily easy: 1) Be true to yourself and don’t worry about what other people think about you, 2) Do what you love in life – choose a living that makes you want to get up the moment you open your eyes, and 3) stay in the moment. The last is the most important. If you are obsessing about the past or worrying about the future, your life is passing you by. Focus on the present because you will never again have each moment that is happening to you right now.

    Also, my dear, I might suggest that you ear up that list of faults and do one of your good points, as well as doing a daily mental gratitude list. I promise it will be immensely helpful.

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