A Perfectly Cursed Life

Because Blessings Are Overrated

Do You Work For A Lawyer? August 28, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — Kimwithak @ 7:27 pm
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That’s the question I was asked as I was paying for my lunch at Ram’s Horn today.  (Hey, don’t knock it.  A breakfast-lunch is delicious.)  Apparently if you carry a legal pad and some papers with you, you must be an employee of a law firm or other legal organization.

Now, I know the guy wasn’t trying to be sassy or cute, but at the same time I felt a bit peeved. I am a damn lawyer.  Granted, I’m young, but I couldn’t help but think this had something to do with the fact that I am a young woman.  I’m usually not quick to see these gender-biases in my own life, but I just have a feeling that if I were male, this comment would have been different.

This is the first time I have looked so young as to be confused for someone not my senior.  It’s a weird thing, but most often people think I’m older than I am.  Not so much for my appearance, but because I don’t act my age.  I’m an old soul, I suppose.  But this comment took me by surprise.  Do I work for a lawyer?  Yeah–me.  (Truth be told, I work for five partners who are lawyers, but that’s a technicality.)

I’m still kind of dumbfounded.  I should probably just drop it from my brain and think about other things (like the mountain of work I need to get done by tomorrow), but I can’t seem to shake it.  I often get this feeling like I’m playing pretend.  It’s faded some over the year since I started here, but some days it’s hard to believe that I am, in fact, a lawyer.  Some days, I just feel as if this is an out-of-body experience where I’m watching myself dress up and push around papers for effect’s sake.  I wonder if the young version of me were to see me what she would think.Am I cool enough for her?  Am I what she wanted to be?

But in any event, no matter what she would think, the truth is I am a lawyer.  For better or for worse, I have thrown my hat into the legal ring.

And I’ll be damned if I let some Ram’s Horn cashier take me down a peg because I’m young or female.

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Only in Kimerica: For A Good Time Call August 27, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — Kimwithak @ 2:27 am
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My life is nothing if unpredictible.

This weekend Mom and Dad helped me prepare the house some more.  One of the projects was painting the “Rock Room” red. (For your reference, the Rock Room is a room where I will house CDs and rock and movie memorabilia.)  Also for the record, my parents hate the idea of a red room. My dad says that it reminds him of a whorehouse. (Why he would know what a whorehouse looks like, I don’t know or want to know.)  But this is my house, and having grown up in a beige and off-white home, I’m having color damn it.  It should also be noted on the record that I bought stupid Home Depot paint, not wanting to spend a fortune on Benjamin Moore or await the reopening of the paint store on Monday.  For the record again, Behr paint is crap.

The Mister and I did the dark primer Saturday night and on Sunday it was ready to go.  Well, I thought it was.  Perhaps it was the paint fumes, perhaps it was exhaustion, but in any event, while painting, Dad got giddy.  After about twenty minutes or so, I walked in and instead of painting the wall to paint the wall, he was drawing a large face and next to it it said:

For a Good Time Call TY-871.

TY-871 was the number on an old commerical in the area.

He thought he was being so funny and for about ten minutes it was funny. And then I realized that it was on there kind of thick. I stopped laughing.  My dad did not.  He continued to sing “Roxanne….you don’t have to turn on the red light…” for a good hour afterward.  I’m glad I could provide him with such entertainment.

Then came the reality–the damn paint didn’t cover it up completely.  I put the second coat on tonight and I’m praying that the face doesn’t show through.  I think, the “for a good time” part is covered.  I’ll find out tomorrow.

And then I’m going to drag his ass over there to fix it.

To make everything easier, I tried telling my mom about the lasting impression today on the phone.  Her response? “Well you bought crappy paint.”

Yes.  Of course!  How could I miss this?  This is my fault.  Clearly, my crappy paint purchase forced my father into being a juvenille and vandelizing my home.  Understandable.

Behr Paint–you’re on my list. Obviously this is all your fault.

 

Me vs. Life August 25, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — Kimwithak @ 1:35 am

This weekend has been ridiculous.  I’ve been floating in between crises at work and trying to be ready for moving this week.  It’s been less than a full success and, at times, I feel as if I’m going to literally just crawl into a ball and cry my eyes out.  I haven’t felt like this in a long time.  It’s gotten to the point that I’m questioning my career choice and my chosen path in that career choice.  I think it’s safe to say that the honeymoon with my job is over.

I’ve been stressed out at this job before.  But I’ve never felt so utterly disdainful of my work there until this weekend.  And I feel guilty for it, which is even worse. I have a job that I wanted.  Hell, I have a job that I would have pushed my mom down a flight of stairs for.  Tonight, sitting exhausted on the couch and preparing to go to bed by 10 p.m. so I can wake up at 5 a.m., I’m feeling less than enthusiasticly loyal.

Last week I was screwing around on the internet at work during a slow period and I stumbled upon this joint PhD program at UofM in Women’s Studies and Literature.  I think it’s totally not practical, but goddamn would I love to do that.

So I’ve been thinking–is school my safe zone?  Do I retreat to learning when doing isn’t going well?  Because right now a few sylabi and some text books would calm my nerves like hot cocoa on a cold winter’s day.  I don’t think that’s normal.

Maybe once we settle in The House I’ll feel better.  I even met some neighbors today and they were really cool and nice.

I think I need a new hobby.  Worrying is taking too much out of me.

 

The Door of Destiny August 22, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — Kimwithak @ 8:39 pm
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When our new lock could not be placed on the old front door at The House, The Mister was convinced we had to get a new door.  I convinced him otherwise.  Money’s not just floating around right now.  Doors are expensive.

This is what happened:

Ever since I set eyes on that photo I can’t help but think that this is the story of my life.  Just covering up the imperfections until there is time or money to really tackle them.

Now I’m convinced we should keep the front door in place even more.  It’s a fitting tribute to two people, still in progress, working on the imperfections as we go along.

 

Dance With The Devil August 20, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — Kimwithak @ 2:53 am
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A work collegue and I were discussing an upcoming deadline today and in the midst of discussing the fact that we weren’t going to have to question certain people in a case he said something that I didn’t realize was so profound at the time.

“The devil’s in the details.”

I’ve heard this phrase before.  But never has it fit so perfectly into my life.  The devil’s in the details.  I’ll be damned if he wasn’t right.  That’s been the theme of my days for the past few weeks.  The devil’s in the details–in other words, be careful what you get yourself into.  The lack of preparedness to paint in my new home…devil.  The scheduling mishap I had today…devil.

So I figured that I’d cheat the devil.  At my hair appointment tonight I threw caution to the wind.  Let’s get nuts, I said.  So my hair is about three shades or so darker and two inches shorter.  Take that devil.  And then, even though I had a frozen dinner awaiting my return back at home, a Pasta Fresca from Noodles & Co sounded better. I called it in and let my lazier side win. Ahhh…my evil schemes!

The problem with trying to cheat the devil?  You never can win.

You see, every time I stop at Noodles, I park in the loading zone, put on my hazards and run in for the five minutes it takes to check out.  Guess who forgot the flashers today?  Small detail, maybe.  But big consequences.  It just so happens a cop drove by when I was paying for my delicious dinner.

The devil’s in the details.  And this detail just cost me $30 if paid within the next 72 hours.


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Eight Gold Medals I Could Win Easily August 19, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — Kimwithak @ 3:20 am
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https://i0.wp.com/www.geekologie.com/2007/05/23/beinjing-olympic-medals-2.jpg

In honor of Michael Phelps’ historic eighth single-session gold medal, I figured I’d take a dive into the proverbial pool.  So for your reading enjoyment, here are eight things not normally found in the Olympics that I have mastered well-enough to earn me the gold.

  1. Drinking water. I know, everyone drinks water. This is an easy one.  But honestly, I drink more water than anyone I know.  I’m constantly drinking water.  I feel uncomfortable if I don’t have a bottle of water on me.  I know every kind of bottled water and could rank them for you in a second (perhaps a sub-skill).  If there were a contest for the amount of water ingested in a day, I could totally bring home a world record.
  2. Laughing. Many people have seen me laugh and can attest to the fact that if I get a good one going, there’s no stopping me.  I’ll often be seen laughing myself square into the midst of a full-blown asthma attack.  Couple this with a beverage (water anyone?) and you have yourself a hardcore spectacle–that is, if I don’t die first.  And I haven’t yet…
  3. Sleeping. I can sleep through a freight train coming through my bedroom window with Gilbert Godfrey as the conductor, yelling in my ear.  In fact, one time, The Mister, wanting me to accompany him to the movies, attempted to wake me during a nap.  He claims (and I have no reason to doubt) that he even went so far as to sit on top of me and literally lift my upper body off of the bed.  I mumbled that I’d be right there and promptly fell back asleep.  For nine more hours.  Things that have gone on while I’ve been asleep: tornadoes, domestic disturbances, roller coasters, etc.  Nothing can keep me from a good set of Zs.
  4. Being a sucker for animals. Even animals I don’t care for (read: rats, possums, etc.) hold a soft spot in my heart.  I’m one of those people who in the midst of a national tragedy, feels worse for the pets left behind and other animals than the humans.  Don’t ask me why, I just do.  Perhaps it has something to do with their innocence or the fact that we control their destiny to begin with, but either way, if you want me to do something, throw an animal into the mix in the right direction and you’ve got yourself a deal. My pets eat better than I ever will.  My betta fish swims in a $65 tank.  Tell me who loves the animals?
  5. Smell. It’s a good thing I have a decent sense of smell.  It makes up for my lack of good eyesight and hearing.  I can smell something cooking a mile away.  There’s a fire three miles from here?  I’ve already smelled the burning for the past ten minutes–catch up!  This is a double-edged sword, though.  I can’t eat anything on or past an expiration date because of not only the mental anguish it puts me through, but the smallest hint of sourness leads me to cringe.  Even products approaching a sell-by date are questionable.  I didn’t eat a yogurt Saturday that went bad on Sunday.  What does that tell you?
  6. Naming That Tune. Almost any radio station you turn to, I can tell you the song that is on within a few short notes.  In fact, I can probably start singing (or rapping, as the case may be) right along with it in a matter of seconds.  How do I know all of these songs?  Music sticks to me like Sandra Day O’Connor at an ascot sale.  It’s a gift.
  7. Getting Kids to Like Me. I have never met a kid that doesn’t love me.  Why?  Because I have that child-like spirit, a sense of what kids want, and an insatiable desire to please.  Kids love that shit.  They also love a self-deprecating sense of humor.  Kids think it’s hilarious to hit me or make me fall…and I let them.  A child’s appreciation is priceless.  A few stitches are only a co-pay away.
  8. Sense of Timing. And I mean this in the “Murphy’s Law” way, not in a good way.  When I got married last year, my Dad threatened to place me in bubble wrap for the week prior to my wedding and roll me down the aisle in a wagon to prevent injury.  Nevertheless, I sprained my knee, had a cold and managed to scratch my eye so I couldn’t wear my contacts.  This stuff has been going on forever.  I was asked to emcee a major event in college.  So I got the stomach flu for the first time in years.  I had a major role in my last high school play and, alas (poor Yorrick), I tore the tendons in my ankle–leaving permanent damage, mind you.  In fact, these things are so common Mr. CVD often responds with “that seems about right.”  Too true.


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Note to Self: Things Appear Easier Than They Are August 18, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — Kimwithak @ 2:53 am
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We closed on our house Thursday.  After a minor (yes, only minor) meltdown, I was off to the races to pick paint colors.  I’ve been living in white and beige apartments so long that my heart called out to a color–any color–to save it.  “Please Mr. Yellow (yes, Yellow is male), please help me.”  (Mr. Yellow didn’t win out so far.  Mr. Green and Ms. Blue did.  And yes, Blue is female.  Take that patriarchy!)

So Friday after I got an obligatory appearance at work out of the way, I dove into some painting clothes and into a project I didn’t understand the depths of until it was too far underway to stop it.  I’ve painted before–but never on my own.  I’ve never planned the project, bought the materials and followed through until the end.  I’ve just hopped in and out where I’ve felt like it and watched the rest unfold (or stand still as it did so many times in my home growing up) and pitched in where I felt the urge.  No one reminded me of that prior to engaging in this project.  Suffice it to say that by Friday afternoon I was awash in a sea of questions, doubts and misgivings.

But with help from Mom and Dad and Mr. CVD, my two first painting projects–our living room and our bedroom–are 90% complete.  And looking mighty fine, if I do say so myself (and I do).

These projects and my lack of preparation got me thinking that this is more than just a happenstance along the way of life.  It reminded me that this, in fact, is the way I approach most things.  I kind of plow into them head-first and ask questions later. One day when I was about fifteen I was sick of all of the posters and pictures on my wall. So I tore them and all of my wallpaper down.  I decided yellow was a good color and convinced my parents to invest in the project.  Months later, sleeping in a bedroom with the furniture perpetually pushed together so people could work on the walls, I quesitoned my committment and allowed them to finish the project.

I could probably think of countless projects like my childhood bedroom where I was anxious to start, blessed with grand ambitions, but frightfully lacking in the follow-through department.

That’s not the point of this tale, though.

The point is that for once, I’m close to finishing something. Granted, I have had help, but damn it, I’m on my way to seeing a project through from conception to completion, having been there every step of the way.  It’s not just a blue bedroom and a green living room that I have to look forward to–it’s the knowledge that I can complete a project without getting so frustrated as to throw the towel in, abandoning all hope of completing it.

I’ll take the small victories where I can have them.  And this, I’d say, is a medium sized one at worst and a good start on a larger one at best.

I’ve picked out a few colors for my spare bedroom/writing room.  If I start and complete that, we’ll claim another victory for the soul.