A Perfectly Cursed Life

Because Blessings Are Overrated

Me vs. Life August 25, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — Kimwithak @ 1:35 am

This weekend has been ridiculous.  I’ve been floating in between crises at work and trying to be ready for moving this week.  It’s been less than a full success and, at times, I feel as if I’m going to literally just crawl into a ball and cry my eyes out.  I haven’t felt like this in a long time.  It’s gotten to the point that I’m questioning my career choice and my chosen path in that career choice.  I think it’s safe to say that the honeymoon with my job is over.

I’ve been stressed out at this job before.  But I’ve never felt so utterly disdainful of my work there until this weekend.  And I feel guilty for it, which is even worse. I have a job that I wanted.  Hell, I have a job that I would have pushed my mom down a flight of stairs for.  Tonight, sitting exhausted on the couch and preparing to go to bed by 10 p.m. so I can wake up at 5 a.m., I’m feeling less than enthusiasticly loyal.

Last week I was screwing around on the internet at work during a slow period and I stumbled upon this joint PhD program at UofM in Women’s Studies and Literature.  I think it’s totally not practical, but goddamn would I love to do that.

So I’ve been thinking–is school my safe zone?  Do I retreat to learning when doing isn’t going well?  Because right now a few sylabi and some text books would calm my nerves like hot cocoa on a cold winter’s day.  I don’t think that’s normal.

Maybe once we settle in The House I’ll feel better.  I even met some neighbors today and they were really cool and nice.

I think I need a new hobby.  Worrying is taking too much out of me.


4 Responses to “Me vs. Life”

  1. I can relate to your comment about school and it being your safe zone – I feel that way a lot when my job gets overly stressful or mostly when I feel that I don’t have a clear cut goal or purpose in my job. I also end up googling new degree programs – however it’s usually the tuition cost that brings me back to reality – Haha 🙂

  2. Tonya Says:

    You know I totally understand about the school thing…after my BA I worked on an MA…only to find myself starting law school at 32. Going to school is definitely a safety zone, but there is nothing wrong with being a lifetime student. Remember that.

  3. Worrying is taking too much out of me…

    The clock still ticks and life still goes on with or without you worrying about anything. It looks like you need to take a break from your usual daily routine. Do something different, something you have never done before. It can pretty a therapeutic experience if you ask me.


  4. riceandpeace Says:

    Yes, I most definitely make school my safe zone. I love the learning, reading and creating. Whenever I am working at a job I start to feel resentful that my employer is getting all of my precious time for a fraction of what it’s worth, and what I could be doing with it.

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