A Perfectly Cursed Life

Because Blessings Are Overrated

These Dreams September 18, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — Kimwithak @ 8:51 pm
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I had the most ridiculous dream last night.  It’s ridiculous in that it was so far from the truth.  It’s also ridiculous because it really made me feel things.

I had this dream that I wanted to cheat on The Mister with a married man who was a coke addict and the father of two young boys. Let’s just stop there–first of all, I’m anti-cheating.  Secondly, I have no desire to cheat on The Mister.  Thirdly, if I were to cheat, I would find someone who wasn’t also cheating–two wrongs don’t make a right, but they can muddy things up.  Fourthly, I wouldn’t cheat with someone who had kids…that’s just fucked up.

So you see, even if I were the cheating kind (which I’m not), I have some standards.

But something about this dream rattled me.  I think it was the passionate sexual tension–nothing actually happened except for several close calls.  I just ran around this dream like a moron trying to hook up with this guy (who I know I’ve seen somewhere and can’t place his face) and always running into trouble along the way. (You think the dream version of me would have taken this as a hint.)

That’s when I realized something:  I’m much more excited about things when they exist as possibilities than when they exist as realities. This is almost always true.  I was more excited about being a lawyer before I was a lawyer.  I was more excited about being in a relationship before I was in a relationship.  I was more excited about living by myself before (and after) living by myself.  I can’t buy myself a piece of reality that holds a candle to the possibilities that can exist in my head.

This is, quite possibly, why I am a writer.  I have way too many ideas to express than I could possibly bring to fruition, but more importantly, would I want them all to come to fruition anyhow?

I have an ending to this dream that I concieved while awake.  It involves me finally getting what I want and realizing that it wasn’t that good. I mean, first off he’s a coke addict–that can’t be great. He was an older dude, so maybe there were some generational issues.  Most importantly, I’d ruin a perfectly good marriage of love and trust to throw in my lot with a guy who clearly is a mess.

Then I realize the greatest self-defeating fact of all:  I just rationalized myself out of a good sex dream.  Maybe I have a problem with appreciating reality because I try so hard to rationalize everything…even my subconscious.

I can’t win for losing.

NOTE:  No marriages were harmed during the making of this dream or this blog post.


One Response to “These Dreams”

  1. Rebecca Says:

    Yeah, I too prefer the dreams in my head to any manifestations that may result from said dreams. Living your dream isn’t really that much fun. It’s the dreaming that’s the important part. Asleep or awake.

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