A Perfectly Cursed Life

Because Blessings Are Overrated

KFC is Trying to Kill Me October 3, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — Kimwithak @ 5:51 pm
Tags: , , , ,

You’d think after the great Thigh and Leg Debacle of Tuesday night, I’d have had enough KFC to hold me over for at least a few months.  At least a week or so.  But the instant I had a few free moments around lunchtime yesterday before going to a retiree’s house for work, I stop at a KFC.  Having had that experience on Tuesday, I decide to go in as the drive thru is just too confusing.

I get my meal fine and other than the fact that they’re stingy on the extra napkins and I accidentally spilled pop on mine, I’m doing alright.  I kind of scarf down the meal as I have time–but not that much.

Due to the napkin situation, I had to use the bathroom to wash my hands before I left.  I got them clean enough to walk to the bathroom, but not clean enough to go to someone’s house.  So I go into the one-person restroom and wash my hands.  Of course, they didn’t have paper towel and only one of those crappy hand dryers, but that’s another story.

I turn around to leave and the next thing I know I’m on the floor, face down, in the KFC bathroom.  On the way down I remember hearing a “CLANG” and I notice I’ve also run into a metal trash can.

In a mass of furry I pick myself up and look back to where I thought I last stepped.  No water.  No misplaced tile.  No piece of toilet paper or anything to slip on.  Just me and the floor.  There was a slight slope of the floor leading to the floor drain, but nothing to cause such a fall.

Now, I’ve fallen a lot in my day.  I’m a bull in a china shop for sure.  But this was definitely the most violent fall I have ever had.  It felt as if someone lifted my legs right out from underneath me and pushed me forward.  And because there was a wall right there, I’m pretty sure I hit my head on it as well.

Even though I’m an attorney, and I know better, I leave without saying a thing.  For some reason I’m shamed that someone might have heard my fall (and to be honest, with the trash can I’m not sure they could have missed it) and I just don’t want to deal with it.  Plus I had to get to the retiree’s house.  On the way over, I take a few alleve, already feeling the throbbing pain in my head and neck.

The rest of the afternoon was fairly blurry.  The sad part is that I was driving and I probably shouldn’t have been.  I don’t know if I really did do something when I hit my head or the alleve did it (though it’s never done it before), but I was woozy.  I made sure to go to the chiropractor and ice my back last night to prevent a total disaster today.

I am sore as hell though.  Weird places of me are weak and imobile.  That feeling in your abs you get the day after doing a lot of crunches–that’s what my whole body feels like.  Plus I have some throbbing in my head still.

I have only one explanation for all of this:  the Ghost of the Colonel read my post the other day and decided to pay me back.

Well, guess what Colonel?  You’ll have to try a little harder to Kill this Fat Chick.

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One Response to “KFC is Trying to Kill Me”

  1. Jane Says:

    WOW, that’s crazy! I’m glad that you’re OK.


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