A Perfectly Cursed Life

Because Blessings Are Overrated

These Dreams September 18, 2008

Filed under: Uncategorized — Kimwithak @ 8:51 pm
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I had the most ridiculous dream last night.  It’s ridiculous in that it was so far from the truth.  It’s also ridiculous because it really made me feel things.

I had this dream that I wanted to cheat on The Mister with a married man who was a coke addict and the father of two young boys. Let’s just stop there–first of all, I’m anti-cheating.  Secondly, I have no desire to cheat on The Mister.  Thirdly, if I were to cheat, I would find someone who wasn’t also cheating–two wrongs don’t make a right, but they can muddy things up.  Fourthly, I wouldn’t cheat with someone who had kids…that’s just fucked up.

So you see, even if I were the cheating kind (which I’m not), I have some standards.

But something about this dream rattled me.  I think it was the passionate sexual tension–nothing actually happened except for several close calls.  I just ran around this dream like a moron trying to hook up with this guy (who I know I’ve seen somewhere and can’t place his face) and always running into trouble along the way. (You think the dream version of me would have taken this as a hint.)

That’s when I realized something:  I’m much more excited about things when they exist as possibilities than when they exist as realities. This is almost always true.  I was more excited about being a lawyer before I was a lawyer.  I was more excited about being in a relationship before I was in a relationship.  I was more excited about living by myself before (and after) living by myself.  I can’t buy myself a piece of reality that holds a candle to the possibilities that can exist in my head.

This is, quite possibly, why I am a writer.  I have way too many ideas to express than I could possibly bring to fruition, but more importantly, would I want them all to come to fruition anyhow?

I have an ending to this dream that I concieved while awake.  It involves me finally getting what I want and realizing that it wasn’t that good. I mean, first off he’s a coke addict–that can’t be great. He was an older dude, so maybe there were some generational issues.  Most importantly, I’d ruin a perfectly good marriage of love and trust to throw in my lot with a guy who clearly is a mess.

Then I realize the greatest self-defeating fact of all:  I just rationalized myself out of a good sex dream.  Maybe I have a problem with appreciating reality because I try so hard to rationalize everything…even my subconscious.

I can’t win for losing.

NOTE:  No marriages were harmed during the making of this dream or this blog post.