I’ve been in an intermediate-level funk lately. Nothing to call up the therapist multiple times a week about; but still nothing to sneeze at. At first I thought it was job stress coupled with the house. While those may be contributing factors, I realized today what probably plays a large role in this funk of mediocritic proportions–I have forgotten to refill my medecine.
This sounds simple. So many people in this country rely way too heavily on mood medecine to get through daily life. I can safely say that I’m not one of those people. See, I’ve been on one form of mood med since I was a very young adolecent. Though I’ve tried to escape the family curse of anxiety and depression (and much worse things), it seems I caught the bug nonetheless. That bug can be contained though, if I do the right things. Which I usually do.
But it’s been summer and I’ve been busy and I’m notoriously lazy at getting medecine refilled. It’s almost a blessing sometimes that I am reproductively challenged, because it’s been far too often that my birth control has sat in the Walgreens pharmacy when it should be in my kitchen drawer.
So tonight I picked up my medecine.
But that wasn’t all. I also met up with an old friend. It was really nice and it was great catching up with her. I have fun just talking to her and wish we were closer than we are, both physically and emotionally, a lot of times. As good as it was, it was the change of pace that made me snap out of it. I’ve been listening to certain mood music for weeks now–trying to find a deeper meaning to the things I’ve been feeling. It’s come to the place where I’ve been anaylzing so much that I’ve forgotten to live. Breaking the monotony of my life (or even placing something in its hectic path) actually did a helluva lot of good tonight. Though I had planned to listen to certain Mood Songs on the way back home (e.g., Billy Joel’s “Vienna”), I got in the car and realized that I had been doing too much to feed my moods and too little to actually get them under any sort of control. In my quest to find meaning I’ve made a mess. A medium sized mess. It’s like a value-meal size mess. I didn’t supersize it, but I did get the fries.
So starting tonight I’m taking my medecine–both physically and mentally–and giving myself a break. I can’t possibly plan out a lifetime of happiness each and every day. Tonight, I will relax.
Tomorrow, I’ll start again.